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Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I don't really know what to write but I knew I had to write something. I know you may be like "huh?" and honestly...so am I...but I just had this feeling that I needed to write something.
Life to me has been a big blur as of lately. I've been coasting through the days trying not to think so much about anything just so I won't have to deal with it. Have you ever done that? Just refused to think for awhile so you won't have to deal with the situations around you? Well for a thinker this use to be difficult but as of lately it's been a lot easier. Not too sure why but it kind of scares me...
In those moments...I've always been told that I shouldn't concentrate on my situation and that I should look unto Jesus but I have to admit that I really haven't took that advice at all. Why? Because truthfully when you look unto Jesus, He sometimes make you deal with those very situations you try to ignore. He allows the Holy Spirit to convict you to the point where you have to face it...and I for one CANNOT handle that. It's like when the holy spirit convicts me...He just will not let up!!!...I mean I try to ignore it and sometimes rebuke it lmbo...hoping it's just me and not God dealing with me...I usually refer to this as the time when the Holy Spirit was "kicking my butt"...lol...but a lot of times I have to give in and face it...and what I usually have to face is myself...my thoughts, my motives, my fears, my desires, my challenges, my issues....
And for me....facing myself is my biggest challenge...UGH!! Sometimes it's just TOO MUCH...I know there are things about me that I need to change...there are times when I just don't want to change but there are also moments when I want to...and in those "wanting" moments I feel like my zeal in wanting to change can be a bit frustrating. I want to be all that God wants me to be and I know that in order to be that there are things that I definitely need to change....however I want them to change NOW and when they don't I get frustrated...I feel like "ok God...I'm working on it!!!"....and 3 weeks later you see SOME progress but it isn't enough...I'm not changing as fast as I would like to and I go back in that mode where I just want to ignore it....act like it's not a real issue...like it's not there...
And you know what frustrates me the most?...it's that sometimes the change doesn't seem that extreme...I talk to God sometimes and I'm like "God I mean is it really that big of a deal?...you know there are people in life with traits worse than this and you're convicting me about this? Seriously God?!?!?"....but I'm starting to realize that my walk with God is just that....MY WALK....I can't compare my walk with YOURS or Jimmy's or Erika's walk...I can't use them to measure my righteousness or how good I am...God has called us to different things, different places and to different people and what He deals with me about He may not deal with the next man about but that man may not be going where God wants to take me....I'm being molded and in this case "dealt with" to prepare me for my assignments...so I can't ignore the issues...and I can't compare my walk...
...I have to look unto Jesus and allow the Holy Spirit to work through me and work out the things that I need to change to first of all...please God...but also to be well equipped for the assignments God has in stored for me...so no more coasting through life ignoring the issues...I have to trust that God will give me the strength to face, change, or endure whatever it is I'm going through....remembering the whole time that it's not about me, it's all about God...
....ok so I wrote something lol...much love to you for reading....
Heart's Love
ProVerbs
Life to me has been a big blur as of lately. I've been coasting through the days trying not to think so much about anything just so I won't have to deal with it. Have you ever done that? Just refused to think for awhile so you won't have to deal with the situations around you? Well for a thinker this use to be difficult but as of lately it's been a lot easier. Not too sure why but it kind of scares me...
In those moments...I've always been told that I shouldn't concentrate on my situation and that I should look unto Jesus but I have to admit that I really haven't took that advice at all. Why? Because truthfully when you look unto Jesus, He sometimes make you deal with those very situations you try to ignore. He allows the Holy Spirit to convict you to the point where you have to face it...and I for one CANNOT handle that. It's like when the holy spirit convicts me...He just will not let up!!!...I mean I try to ignore it and sometimes rebuke it lmbo...hoping it's just me and not God dealing with me...I usually refer to this as the time when the Holy Spirit was "kicking my butt"...lol...but a lot of times I have to give in and face it...and what I usually have to face is myself...my thoughts, my motives, my fears, my desires, my challenges, my issues....
And for me....facing myself is my biggest challenge...UGH!! Sometimes it's just TOO MUCH...I know there are things about me that I need to change...there are times when I just don't want to change but there are also moments when I want to...and in those "wanting" moments I feel like my zeal in wanting to change can be a bit frustrating. I want to be all that God wants me to be and I know that in order to be that there are things that I definitely need to change....however I want them to change NOW and when they don't I get frustrated...I feel like "ok God...I'm working on it!!!"....and 3 weeks later you see SOME progress but it isn't enough...I'm not changing as fast as I would like to and I go back in that mode where I just want to ignore it....act like it's not a real issue...like it's not there...
And you know what frustrates me the most?...it's that sometimes the change doesn't seem that extreme...I talk to God sometimes and I'm like "God I mean is it really that big of a deal?...you know there are people in life with traits worse than this and you're convicting me about this? Seriously God?!?!?"....but I'm starting to realize that my walk with God is just that....MY WALK....I can't compare my walk with YOURS or Jimmy's or Erika's walk...I can't use them to measure my righteousness or how good I am...God has called us to different things, different places and to different people and what He deals with me about He may not deal with the next man about but that man may not be going where God wants to take me....I'm being molded and in this case "dealt with" to prepare me for my assignments...so I can't ignore the issues...and I can't compare my walk...
...I have to look unto Jesus and allow the Holy Spirit to work through me and work out the things that I need to change to first of all...please God...but also to be well equipped for the assignments God has in stored for me...so no more coasting through life ignoring the issues...I have to trust that God will give me the strength to face, change, or endure whatever it is I'm going through....remembering the whole time that it's not about me, it's all about God...
....ok so I wrote something lol...much love to you for reading....
Heart's Love
ProVerbs
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Go God!
So today I had an amazing time at church...God power was moving all throughout that place from the time the service began till the time it ended. As I type this diary entry I'm starting to get excited all over again!! Whew! lol I'm excited to know a God that's so FAITHFUL!!!
Ok now before I get too excited let me fill yall in on what I'm excited about...haha...At church, today's message was called "Repositioned to Reap." Now what is the first thing that pops in your head when you hear the word "REAP"....now let me see if I could guess what it was
...*thinkingggg thinkingggg*...
mmm....Was it MONEY?!?!?!?!?!?!....lol If it wasn't CONGRATULATIONS, you're a rare breed...especially in this society! Now although reaping money is wonderful (and I definitely need that too)...I personally had been asking God to reposition my heart. I remember a time in my life when I relentless trusted and loved God and I wanted that back...a pure heart towards the Lord with no hidden motives or agendas...just me loving Him for who He is alone...and trusting that He, MY CREATOR (ok so He's yours too lol...my bad, how selfish of me), will lead me in His will, allow me in His presences, and take care of every ounce of need I have...but before He could do this...I had to follow the Matt 6:33 instructions...
33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Thinking back on the time that I did relentlessly love and trust God, I realize that that was at an immature point in life when I had to worry about nothing but loving Him...but now I'm older...about to graduate from college and take on this road called "Adulthood" or what I like to call the "Pay yo OWN bills" road....lol
I haven't paid many bills while in college but being 10 hours away from home, not being able to ask Daddy for money every 5 secs, I became stingy with God. Normally a giver, it started with my money...at home I'd give my last but I knew I could always get more from my parents...here...I knew that wasn't the case so I started to give less...and less...and less...now I know you're thinking "I thought we weren't talking about money"...we're not...but for me...my lack of trust in God started there...my faith got a little shaky and it started to show in other areas of my life...so lately I have been asking God for that pure heart again...that I show Him I love Him with every part of me....money, time, talent, body...you get the point
....so back to church (I'm almost threw I promise lol)...I had been believing God for that as well as a J-O-B back home. At Tuesday bible study we talked about trusting God and seeing the manifestation of what we speak...so that's what I did I spoke and trusted God for my pure heart and a JOB...but He tested my obedience...another FACTOR in reaping...YOU MUST OBEY...
...you can't just speak something and not listen to God or walk according to His word...trust me...you'll just be wasting your breath...and I'm starting to learn that when God promises you something...there's always instructions before that promise come to past...Think about Abraham...God continually gave Him instructions...and a lot of times those instructions were EXTREMEEE...but Abraham trusted God and obeyed and well guess what...God not only blessed him but generations following him (side note: your choices don't just affect you)...so like Abraham God tested me...even though I already believed what I had spoken He challenged me to go to the alter and ask for prayer...I TOTALLY did not want to do it...I was like "But God...I already believe you...I have faith that you're going to do it!"...what I was really saying was "God pleaseeeeee don't make me embarrass myself in front of this church! And Bishop is about to do the benediction too! Awww come on God!" lol...
...I stalled for a little bit...but then my legs started to shake and I felt this uncontrollable sensation in my stomach...like God was telling me that this was essential...so I did it...and they not only prayed for me but I received a prophecy that confirmed my decision to move back home after graduation. I was completely overwhelmed because I realized that if I hadn't of moved I wouldn't have gotten that word.
...that's not even the end. A couple approached me after church who were actually from my hometown....told me that they may know someone who may be able to give me a job! My heart rejoiced in the Lord....Go God! Go God! Go! Go! Go! GO! lol
I just realized how faithful God will be if we just SEEK HIM and then OBEY His word and in this case His voice. I am so grateful to have a God who orders my steps even when I don't understand....
Anyway...I just want to encourage you to follow Matt 6:33 instructions and completely trust that God knows what He's doing with you...even when life hurts or things just don't seem to make any sense...if you are letting Him lead you He'll give you peace in the midst of the storm...or a word that will hold you over till your deliverance come...but you have to remember that He IS faithful..and I mean He made you...How can the inventor not know how to work His own invention...seriously?!?! lol...it's little things like this that show me how real God is, how faithful He is, and how He is really willing to reward those who seek Him...but remember...don't seek His hand...seek His face...
Heart's Love
ProVerbs
P.S. So was the first thing you thought about really money? lol I'm so curious haha
P.S.S. lol...Check out one of the hottest new Christian videos out...Trip Lee's The Invasion (Hero) feat. Jai (check more of Jai at www.justjai.com)
Ok now before I get too excited let me fill yall in on what I'm excited about...haha...At church, today's message was called "Repositioned to Reap." Now what is the first thing that pops in your head when you hear the word "REAP"....now let me see if I could guess what it was
mmm....Was it MONEY?!?!?!?!?!?!....lol If it wasn't CONGRATULATIONS, you're a rare breed...especially in this society! Now although reaping money is wonderful (and I definitely need that too)...I personally had been asking God to reposition my heart. I remember a time in my life when I relentless trusted and loved God and I wanted that back...a pure heart towards the Lord with no hidden motives or agendas...just me loving Him for who He is alone...and trusting that He, MY CREATOR (ok so He's yours too lol...my bad, how selfish of me), will lead me in His will, allow me in His presences, and take care of every ounce of need I have...but before He could do this...I had to follow the Matt 6:33 instructions...
33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Thinking back on the time that I did relentlessly love and trust God, I realize that that was at an immature point in life when I had to worry about nothing but loving Him...but now I'm older...about to graduate from college and take on this road called "Adulthood" or what I like to call the "Pay yo OWN bills" road....lol
I haven't paid many bills while in college but being 10 hours away from home, not being able to ask Daddy for money every 5 secs, I became stingy with God. Normally a giver, it started with my money...at home I'd give my last but I knew I could always get more from my parents...here...I knew that wasn't the case so I started to give less...and less...and less...now I know you're thinking "I thought we weren't talking about money"...we're not...but for me...my lack of trust in God started there...my faith got a little shaky and it started to show in other areas of my life...so lately I have been asking God for that pure heart again...that I show Him I love Him with every part of me....money, time, talent, body...you get the point
....so back to church (I'm almost threw I promise lol)...I had been believing God for that as well as a J-O-B back home. At Tuesday bible study we talked about trusting God and seeing the manifestation of what we speak...so that's what I did I spoke and trusted God for my pure heart and a JOB...but He tested my obedience...another FACTOR in reaping...YOU MUST OBEY...
...you can't just speak something and not listen to God or walk according to His word...trust me...you'll just be wasting your breath...and I'm starting to learn that when God promises you something...there's always instructions before that promise come to past...Think about Abraham...God continually gave Him instructions...and a lot of times those instructions were EXTREMEEE...but Abraham trusted God and obeyed and well guess what...God not only blessed him but generations following him (side note: your choices don't just affect you)...so like Abraham God tested me...even though I already believed what I had spoken He challenged me to go to the alter and ask for prayer...I TOTALLY did not want to do it...I was like "But God...I already believe you...I have faith that you're going to do it!"...what I was really saying was "God pleaseeeeee don't make me embarrass myself in front of this church! And Bishop is about to do the benediction too! Awww come on God!" lol...
...I stalled for a little bit...but then my legs started to shake and I felt this uncontrollable sensation in my stomach...like God was telling me that this was essential...so I did it...and they not only prayed for me but I received a prophecy that confirmed my decision to move back home after graduation. I was completely overwhelmed because I realized that if I hadn't of moved I wouldn't have gotten that word.
...that's not even the end. A couple approached me after church who were actually from my hometown....told me that they may know someone who may be able to give me a job! My heart rejoiced in the Lord....Go God! Go God! Go! Go! Go! GO! lol
I just realized how faithful God will be if we just SEEK HIM and then OBEY His word and in this case His voice. I am so grateful to have a God who orders my steps even when I don't understand....
Anyway...I just want to encourage you to follow Matt 6:33 instructions and completely trust that God knows what He's doing with you...even when life hurts or things just don't seem to make any sense...if you are letting Him lead you He'll give you peace in the midst of the storm...or a word that will hold you over till your deliverance come...but you have to remember that He IS faithful..and I mean He made you...How can the inventor not know how to work His own invention...seriously?!?! lol...it's little things like this that show me how real God is, how faithful He is, and how He is really willing to reward those who seek Him...but remember...don't seek His hand...seek His face...
Heart's Love
ProVerbs
P.S. So was the first thing you thought about really money? lol I'm so curious haha
P.S.S. lol...Check out one of the hottest new Christian videos out...Trip Lee's The Invasion (Hero) feat. Jai (check more of Jai at www.justjai.com)
Friday, July 2, 2010
The Beginning...
Normally diaries are suppose to be all secretive and what not...at least that's what I've heard...never been able to keep up with one long enough to find out...and besides...I'm a REBEL! So I'm opening up my diary, my secrets, my fears, my randomness for all of you to see...
This is the beginning of something....of what? I'm really not sure if I be completely honest...
...maybe the beginning of an outlet for me...an open door for you to enter into my simple world. *smiles big* I hope you enjoy this journey...from here on out it's me, you, and God...
...Now before I get started in my ranting I would like to let you know that I appreciate you for reading this blog. The only reason I've considered doing this is because people have ask me to and since I've been a bit ghost lately I hope this can help me stay connected until things slow down...
I know a few of you insisted that I do a video blog(vlog)instead of a blog *coughs* Chozyn Boy *cough cough* Joe *cough*...*clears throat*excuse me lol...but for now I think this is the best outlet...however I will try to incoporate both in this blog...
...Moving onnnnn...ok so where do I go from here?
...a little about me I guess....
I'm a pretty random person so I'm sure these blogs will in no way be structured (if you haven't notice already)...I hope you're cool with that?....cool?...cool!
And, well like I said before...this world of mine is pretty simple...however I have a pretty complex mind...so you'll probably read all kind of "crazies" on this blog...just warning you...
Um let's see...what else??...Oh..I LOVE PIE!! haha random right? No but really...I am a pie connoisseur! Apple is my favorite pie...and my friends know a slice of pie can easily brighten my day...weird..I know lol...I sometimes get offended when people say they don't like pie (especially apple)...ok let me be honest...I ALWAYS get offended when someone says the don't like pie...not that serious..I know but I'm working on that...pray for a me...HA!
...that looks amazing...See, now what's not to like? lol anyway...moving onnnnnnnnn
I know this may be our first time meeting...but since I'm openning up my life all willy nilly and what not I might as well tell you all this too...*breathes* I have a confession to make...
...I am completely head over heels in love with Jesus Christ...yea yea I said it! And I'm not ashame! It just seems like He consumes me...like every single part of me wants to please Him and make Him smile...now like everyone else...I fail at that sometime but it's SUPER refreshing to know He's down for giving us another chance even when we jack everything up...so kudos to Him! Go God! lol
Now before we go any further and you read anymore of my diaries, let me set the record straight...now I know you seen ProVerbs and expected to read something deep...um yea...I'm not that girl... I don't walk around with my figure on my temple looking all deep and what not lol...
I do believe God has and is continuing to impart into me wisdom, knowledge, understanding...well read Proverbs 1ch and you'll know where I'm going with this lol...but I am a fun loving girl, who enjoy randomness and MUCH laughter.... so in understanding that God has called me to be Proverbs (for that I'm SUPER grateful) ....trust me when I tell you that He still has a bit of work to do in developing me to walking in that calling...but hey it's a love journey...it's about growth...so if you're down to walk it out with me...I'll be glad to have you
With that said...again thank you for reading my diary and joining me in this love journey...I pray God continues to lead you and I in our walk as we trust Him with our lives...
Proverbs 3:5-6
"5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart,and lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."
Heart's Love...
ProVerbs
P.S. All readers please comment & give me feedback...it's the only way I'll know if people are reading...thanks! :)
This is the beginning of something....of what? I'm really not sure if I be completely honest...
...maybe the beginning of an outlet for me...an open door for you to enter into my simple world. *smiles big* I hope you enjoy this journey...from here on out it's me, you, and God...
...Now before I get started in my ranting I would like to let you know that I appreciate you for reading this blog. The only reason I've considered doing this is because people have ask me to and since I've been a bit ghost lately I hope this can help me stay connected until things slow down...
I know a few of you insisted that I do a video blog(vlog)instead of a blog *coughs* Chozyn Boy *cough cough* Joe *cough*...*clears throat*excuse me lol...but for now I think this is the best outlet...however I will try to incoporate both in this blog...
...Moving onnnnn...ok so where do I go from here?
I'm a pretty random person so I'm sure these blogs will in no way be structured (if you haven't notice already)...I hope you're cool with that?....cool?...cool!
And, well like I said before...this world of mine is pretty simple...however I have a pretty complex mind...so you'll probably read all kind of "crazies" on this blog...just warning you...
Um let's see...what else??...Oh..I LOVE PIE!! haha random right? No but really...I am a pie connoisseur! Apple is my favorite pie...and my friends know a slice of pie can easily brighten my day...weird..I know lol...I sometimes get offended when people say they don't like pie (especially apple)...ok let me be honest...I ALWAYS get offended when someone says the don't like pie...not that serious..I know but I'm working on that...pray for a me...HA!
...that looks amazing...See, now what's not to like? lol anyway...moving onnnnnnnnn
I know this may be our first time meeting...but since I'm openning up my life all willy nilly and what not I might as well tell you all this too...*breathes* I have a confession to make...
...I am completely head over heels in love with Jesus Christ...yea yea I said it! And I'm not ashame! It just seems like He consumes me...like every single part of me wants to please Him and make Him smile...now like everyone else...I fail at that sometime but it's SUPER refreshing to know He's down for giving us another chance even when we jack everything up...so kudos to Him! Go God! lol
Now before we go any further and you read anymore of my diaries, let me set the record straight...now I know you seen ProVerbs and expected to read something deep...um yea...I'm not that girl... I don't walk around with my figure on my temple looking all deep and what not lol...
I do believe God has and is continuing to impart into me wisdom, knowledge, understanding...well read Proverbs 1ch and you'll know where I'm going with this lol...but I am a fun loving girl, who enjoy randomness and MUCH laughter.... so in understanding that God has called me to be Proverbs (for that I'm SUPER grateful) ....trust me when I tell you that He still has a bit of work to do in developing me to walking in that calling...but hey it's a love journey...it's about growth...so if you're down to walk it out with me...I'll be glad to have you
With that said...again thank you for reading my diary and joining me in this love journey...I pray God continues to lead you and I in our walk as we trust Him with our lives...
Proverbs 3:5-6
"5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart,and lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."
Heart's Love...
ProVerbs
P.S. All readers please comment & give me feedback...it's the only way I'll know if people are reading...thanks! :)
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